My own journey through relationships has taught me much, mostly around compromise, ego and short term versus long term romance. I’ve also spent a huge amount of time studying the Universal Laws of Nature. Putting these two often disparate elements together has create, what I think, are the indelible, natural, sacred principles that nature intends with human love. I’ll share them here:
1. Falling in Love Everyday
The art of falling in love is, for most, an accidental and supernatural experience. I read all too many blogs and Facebook comments about, “ahhhh I fell in love” and the consequence of that sporadic at best philosophy, is that falling out of love is just as spontaneous, just as supernatural.
Most people live in memory. They remember the great few months or years when they first met their love and they live for the moment, in hope that, it will reappear. It often doesn’t. In this scenario couples do all sorts of crazy stunts to try to regenerate the love they felt in the honeymoon period of their relationship like: Making babies, shifting house, doing tantra, going to parties and more… sometimes people even eat and drink in order to re-capture the essence of that superb and totally wonderful time, when they first fell in love. In this state of relationship, memory holds a couple together and hope drives them to keep working at it.
If you go to a casino, you find people standing at tables, pockets empty of cash hoping that they can repeat that one win they had three times past, that one lucky spin of the roulette wheel that fed them enough hope and created enough memory to cause an addiction. It’s a game of chance and people subconsciously hope that the more often they blow on dice, cross their fingers, look to heaven or whatever ritual they’ve discovered, the more probability of success they have. This is akin to having more sex, cooking better dinners, making more money, having more holidays, complying with partner’s complaints, working less… hoping to fall in love again.
The problem and therefore solution to this roulette wheel strategy for falling in love, is that it’s exclusive.
Exclusive love is not love. Exclusive love is emotional infatuation, a blip on the radar, a coincidence of fate. Unconditional love on the other hand starts with the love of nature, (not save the whales) love of insects, love of trees, love of oceans, rivers, sunsets, wind, tsunami, mountains… This love is a love that can be called “awe” and one feels “awesome” when filled with it.
An empty person, who is so busy doing stuff in life comes to relationship hoping to be filled with love. They are a vacuum flask hoping to suck the life-force out of a relationship or person to fill the vacuum. Enjoy your special moment with your special one by using Cenforce 130 tablet. This is like pouring water into a leaking bucket, and no self respecting individual is going to do that long term.
A fulfilled person comes to relationship to share – give what they’ve already got. They have love and they have it in abundance. There’s no neediness, no compromise, no “fill me up I’m empty” thinking. Hence, that individual who is filled with love will “turn up” happy, and won’t be interested in short term “love bites.”
To turn up filled with love we need to stop.
Stopping is a lost art. People run all day, run late, run to things, forget themselves, pour their heart and soul and emotion into a job that, at the end of the day, is nothing more than greed. There is, for most, no link to a purpose greater than themselves and family in work, hence, it’s like chopping wood for a fire, on the side of a volcano. No need for it really.
Falling in love everyday has nothing to do with relationship. Falling in love everyday is all about attitude. If we can’t stop, can’t space our time, can’t take a moment to observe the beauty of life, can’t see the sunset, can’t witness the birds or the cats or the leaves or flowers, we’ve lost it. And when we lose that, the relationship becomes the last hope in hell.
No relationship is designed to offset that level of life incompetence. Ignorance is not substituted by love. Ignorance permeates love. So, a person who cannot fall in love 50 times a day, by stopping, witnessing and experiencing for a second or two (that totals exactly 50 seconds a day) will not sustain a romantic home life.
That is, in my observation from nature, key 1.
When I walk down the street in Sydney at night, especially on hot summer nights, the crunch of cockroaches under my feet sends my mind racing. I don’t like killing innocent creatures no matter how ugly. So, I say, “evolveyabastard” hoping that, in a joking way, destroying that life accidentally, will mean that cockroach comes back in it’s next life, maybe as a frog or something nice…It’s sort of a joke but, at least my conscience is clear.
The purpose of a relationship is not happiness. It is to evolve us. All nature evolves at the border of support and challenge. Many people don’t understand this and seek relationships for support. You can also read this blog to create a good relationship. One of the most corrupt corporate models in HR and Cultural Development is the model of Harmony and Wellbeing in the workplace.
Key 2. EvolveYaBastard
Any model of life that advocates avoiding confrontation is an attack on the human condition, human nature because confrontation is as important a variable to human development, leadership and good health as peace and harmony. All nature evolves as a result of the balance between confrontation and harmony. Hence, a person who is “forced” or “coerced” to function under the corporate paradigm of non confrontation is being told, “take your frustration home.”
Too many HR and Culture change experts over specialise in their teaching. They talk about leadership as if it’s separate from family. It’s not. In fact, if you polarise somebody at work to a certain leadership “righteous” model, you automatically send that person home to express the opposite with their children and partner.
So, the second key to sustainable happy relationship is, treat yourself as a whole person, no segmentation, no fragmentation. Welcome balance at work and at home.